Job Search vs. Job

Writing a cover letter is like reading over legal documents in that they are both so tedious that you have to constantly remind yourself that the agony you are enduring is necessary to attain that life dream. At some point, someone told me to "keep your cover letters tight", but since then the only tightening I've experienced while writing is in the back of my throat as I choke back tears. And I become unable to think the word "tight", instead preferring the Austin Powers' adapation, "toight". It becomes impossible to say it any other way. Anyways, sentences need to be clear, concise and to the point. No wasted words. Keep it TOIGHT. I spend approximately 30 minutes per paragraph, ensuring that my cover letters are... you guessed it... toight. My blood pressure rises with each Microsoft Word "Synonym" look-up, and by the end of one cover letter, I'm basically sweating bullets. Then I consider a terrifying possibility: This is what full-time work is. I'm writing these cover letters so that I can... write cover letteresque memos and reports. My entire future will consist of me writing toight cover letters.

After that exaggerated epiphany, I drink some water (I like water) and calm down for a bit. I'm pretty sure real jobs don't require you to constantly write toight cover letters for success. I believe simple "loose" e-mails and conversations should suffice. But than I consider this: Is it better to write one or two toight cover letters a day with no job than it is to have a full-time job? In my opinion: Fuck no. Cover letters are like getting a flat tire in a snowstorm with no gloves. You want to kick, scream, punch your computer (only once have I ever witnessed someone actually punch their computer, but that one time proves that it DOES happen), and yell, "WHY ME GODDDD?" (I'm not very religious, so when I'm yelling at god for fucking this all up for me, it's bad.) But you don't do any of that. You stare at the screen and try to decide whether "extensively" or "broadly" is a better fit for the toight sentence you've just created.

Why can't cover letters allow for creativity? Wouldn't that really separate who had innovation, work ethic and focus? Of course, it would still have to be well written to show off your writing and communication skills, but wouldn't it convey more accurately your abilities? Allowing freedom of expression in cover letters might get us away from the networking requirements of today's job hunt and even up the playing field a bit.

Quick End-Of-Post tangent: Why does every employer have to include "Excellent writing and communication skills" as a requirement. WE GET IT! We have to be able writers and communicators. It's about as important as being able to eat, sleep and breathe in the job application world. So basically, if you're an illiterate mute, just stop writing your application now, because god damn it you're not qualified. We understand this employers. Now stop it.